I mention a lot in my posts about the processes of transmutation and harmonizing. These are general terms and anyone can interpret them in whatever way they want. Words are contractual and can have many different meanings depending on a person and their experiences.
So, what is it that we are actually harmonizing and transforming here? What is the purpose of realizing our unconscious patterns and healing them? What is the end result of our awakening.
The simple answer is : connection.
I recently was talking to a friend and during our conversation it dawned on me that in good measure I used to watch movies in order to be a witness of a healthy family dynamic or to even, through the screen, observe a pretty happy human interaction. I was lovingly looking at the connections between the characters no matter what relationship they had, since positive aspects appeared more often there than in real life. On screen, either a beautiful connection and collaboration was present in the beginning, and got interrupted because of some unfortunate incident, yet always there was a definite reconnection; forgiveness or strengthening of a bond. Or if the characters disliked each other initially, later through intricate circumstances, the understanding came with reconciliation. This kind of dynamic of surviving conflicts and challenges and coming out of them more connected, I favored the most.
Before the pandemic, on occasions when I facilitated group alignments, the part when the gathering of people reached the place of universal connection, I came to a realization that it was the very same moment I had an appreciation for in films. It is the phenomenon when the ego is taken out of the way, and we can experience deeper connection, see more vividly in another and in ourselves aspects that bring us closer, honor and enjoy each other in a new, refreshed light.
I strongly believe that life is about establishing such kinds of bonds. Life is about connecting in kindness, cooperating together and supporting one another. Additionally, what is also significant is the quality of our intention before we try to connect.
Divine connection to yourself and with others is the goal here.
When the divinity is absent, there is no end to the stories when ego turns into a frenzy.
Another point that we touched upon in the same conversation with my friend regarded narcissistic patterns and behaviors. Both of us dealt with abuse and had relationships with individuals who suffered from this disorder. If I hadn’t experienced abuse on my own skin, I wouldn’t know now how harsh and challenging liberation from such enslavement really is.
If we ever want to create a healthy life, we have no other way but to confront our weaknesses or aggressive patterns. Only through healing we can rediscover our humanity so we could live together in harmony more often if not all the time.
I have dedicated years to my own healing so the moments I would create would be of quality. If not for others, then at least for me. I did it by looking constantly within, so my suffering, or the suffering of others wouldn’t reign my existence. However, now that I have reached that good place of emotional freedom, I realize that the time has come for me to share what I have gone through and learned. When I was “fighting” to discover my divine self, it seemed that no one else had the slightest idea of what I was going through. We all know suffering, yet for many reasons we want to stay away from it, because we don’t realize the power it bestows upon us.
Individually and collectively, we are engaged in the process of abandoning the victim – perpetrator relationship, this time not by walking away from it, but by mustering more power to stand up to it, to be wiser and stronger than manipulation born from suffering itself.
It is a sad reality that we have to stand in the spiritual ring with our loved ones, our family members who supposed to be so close to us, yet during the awakening they are not. What temporarily separates us are unhealed mental and emotional constructs. Despite this painful disconnection, the real hope of mending the broken bonds, lies in miracles available in healing and transformation. It does not matter how long we have suffered and who has hurt us. If you decide to engage in our own healing, life is going to make up for all those painful relationships we experienced before the awakening.
Whatever I am going to write today is going to be relevant and important no matter the time or the date because what I am going to describe here will be repeating itself. As a side note, my ego at some point had a very bad relationship with repetition. It thought that repeating oneself was ridiculous and useless in some sense. Well, now thankfully I have changed that and my being fully integrated to honor the motion of reiteration in ways I will try to do my best to describe here.
This has happened many times already, and as this spiritual phenomenon keeps on taking place, it never gets old. So, this is how we are being upgraded by the ascension energies coming to Earth.
We are being balanced and healed through light codes, through light energy which increase our awareness and make the ones who are chosen and ready for it more sensitive to their pain and suffering. The energy of light descends upon us, and it penetrates our energetic body. During this process we tend to experience what I would describe as temporary enlightenment, the potential energy we can align ourselves with. Through this illuminating divine intervention, suddenly, and very distinctly, we realize that everything about us is being enhanced: any kind of suffering is being wiped out of our system and we just sit in awe appreciating love, peace and wisdom which inhibit our physical senses, as well as emotional and intellectual perceptions. We are powerfully connected to the present moment and we perceive ourselves and everything else as whole, beautiful and worthy. What a delightful state of being that is. Depending on what specific upgrade is being installed, the sensations can vary.
I’ve had a privilege of noticing and experiencing many, however, the most recent one was as if new sort of unconditional love I’ve never got a chance to feel, was being poured into my heart and was spilling, deliciously filling every corner of my being. At a later time, after many weeks of connecting to and purging pain, the very loving sensations permanently populated my being. That moment felt like achieving unprecedented victory. It was a long-awaited and simultaneously unexpected moment that had to be taken all in and celebrated by fully feeling it. I stopped whatever I was doing to allow myself to feel the superb ecstasy.
Quite frankly, this is the part that everyone is looking forward to, the enlightenment!!! This is the very moment I am looking forward to as well, because in that state I can be and do it all. Creativity, productivity, energy, these are the goodies we all want, these are the goodies we are all praising – the super human potential providing luminous abundance.
But what happens after isn’t usually spoken enough. Somehow the next phase is hugely disregarded, and even when I want to write about it, I am postponing it. I have been postponing it throughout this entire day, and even now, instead of describing it in the very beginning of this post, I am a bit apprehensive about it. In fact, I promised myself that this post would be 400 words long and at this point I am 61 past my set limit, and yet I haven’t mentioned a word about what I was supposed to write about initially.
The part that keeps on constantly coming back, and I am so reluctant to write about, is the part associated with our fragmentation. Shortly after the light fills our being, we are becoming aware of the pieces of ourselves that are painful, weak and hold us back from another, higher form of fulfillment. It feels as if we had reached the top, and quickly tumbled down all the way to the bottom. From a superb connection to the present moment where all the best in us and outside of us was enhanced and beamed with light, we fall into a dark pit. The light is being turned off and we are surrounded with darkness. We only make a connection with the painful parts that remain in us, adding to it, even our surroundings hurt immensely. Not only do we detect nothingness which blinds our potential, but our inner resources that make us interact with the world – all of them are gone, and in their place, lower vibrations are beginning to seep through. Fear steps in and even the friendliest soul is being temporarily deemed as frightful. In hindsight, being at the bottom, alone and stripped away from everything is not that really horrible comparing it to an additional nightmarish feeling of non stop standing at the edge of a dark cliff and knowing that any second some movement could push you into the abyss. This was at least my experience. Whenever you think things couldn’t get worse, the inevitable does come your way. This was difficult to get through.
I know that this is just a brief description of a complex experience. Living it is another thing. Surviving it in solitude without numbing it as well is also something remarkable. One day love beams through you and another day you have to allow whatever was obstructing that love to thrive in you die. And that process of being aware of your painful aspects dying, is awful. To be alive, yet at the same time allow some parts of you die, was the most challenging undertaking I was ever faced with.
I have been through this process many times and after a great many trials of the dark night, when its effects began to loosen up, I emerged from it with a strength which allowed me to have an upper hand over my or anyone else’s suffering. Receiving strength which doesn’t bow or isn’t consumed or contaminated by pain, is in fact one of the highest achievements I am immensely grateful for.
Last night was the Full Moon, and as usually this occurrence has a tendency to bring out in us abilities, ways of being and feelings which we are completely unaware of.
The case is that we exist being oblivious about ourselves. And now, perhaps more intensely than ever, through pain we are awakening to our full potential. Every month the cycles of the moon give us an opportunity to peal another level of our unconsciousness. We are offered a chance to integrate another piece of our fragmented selves into the whole. And when one attunes themselves to this specific process, when the moon is fully lit, something extraordinary can be observed on the inside that manifests itself in the physical plane.
Depending on a specific phase of awakening you are in, you might notice different reactions. Sometimes when the moon is full people act out of the ordinary, and if they don’t act out the pain, there is a profound transformation transpiring on the inside.
If you are deeply rooted in spirituality, if you are extremely sensitive and you do pay attention to what is happening to your inner being, the internal processes can be quite uncomfortable and overwhelming in the beginning. However, when you dig into the very core of yourself and persevere enough, you are able to spot fascinating processes.
When you are eagerly invested into the feeling sphere, you feel every single detail happening inside of you. Usually, the influence of the Full Moon can be felt even a few days before. Therefore, the Full Moon can do many things, yet it usually has the tendency to either bring out your heavy-duty unprocessed emotions or like in other cases, completely and temporarily immobilize you so you could look within.
It is as if your entire world came to a full stop ,and a shorter version of the dark night of the soul so to speak has fallen upon you again. And this unexpected disconnection from the external forces ask you to focus on what is within once again.
You feel the inner tumult. The desperation shows up again and that feeling of not knowing of who you are and what you are supposed to do, how to go about life. All these uncomfortable sensations are supposed to spark the upcoming energetic release, letting go of another part of you that still suffers.
When this was happening again to me last night, I really thought to myself that another round of letting go is too much and completely unnecessary. I was reluctant to go there. I was wondering what else was there to release. However, when something has to leave your system, at that time those answers are not coming, all concentration is on that very pain that has to go or to be integrated. And then, the release comes and you knew that you did let go.
By now I already know what it feels like. And as that part was done, I began to detect another, unexplored yet in my body sensation. Instead of fluidity in motion that was forcing the release, I found myself to be sort of motionless. The complete opposite. If limitation in movement and staying in one place forever was an option, I would definitely take it. I felt like a stone. I sensed that inside of my being, something was being revealed to me, I was showed a dormant block of energy that wasn’t aware of it before. It laid there untouched. Its structure was very solid. I could compare it to a huge brick of gold and that sort of image presented itself to me when I looked at it with my third eye. It was a valuable energy resource which wasn’t utilized by me at all. But I didn’t care about it much, because I was worried about waking up in the early morning. I felt so heavy I wanted to stay in bed indefinitely. Every single piece of my body felt heavy. And when five in the morning struck, and I had to get up and get ready for a gym class, I thought I would not be able to lift the covers because even that seemed impossible. It seemed that my core was stiff due to this solid energy occupying my body.
Through my morning routine I couldn’t get the image of that solid block of energy out of my mind. As I barely dragged my body through a working-out routine which this time apparently was not as enjoyable as it usually can be. In that instant, desiring so much to connect to that sense of joy of exercising that I know I can feel, I had an epiphany. Instead of having that solid energy dictate my fate and weight down on me I realized that I needed to move that solid structure, shake it up, dust it off, utilize this new resource, push myself more to have this golden solid brick of energy move through my entire being and my entire body.
The moment I connected with this intention, my entire energy changed and I entered this magnificent state of aliveness which began to flow through me and out of me. I felt as if my wires were replaced and I was receiving and interacting with life as if I was this brand-new, golden, updated model of myself.
The change it caused in me, is priceless.
This was one of those instances where the movement was necessary in order to get that energy going. However, not always I was guided to do so. Sometimes the releasing process requires more time and staying in place. This is something important to keep in mind. Intuition always plays a key role.
I would have never imagined that this is what I was created to do.
It is a phenomenon, an internal, spiritual process in which a human being is transforming, growing, expanding, learning about yourself and about the external world. Not everyone will be able to relate or confirm that something like that is real, however, once the awakening starts, there isn’t anything that could stop it, or convince you otherwise about the palpability of its existence. Also resisting it means experimenting more pain, and pain is something this process is meant to alleviate.
Just like you cannot stop yourself physically growing into an adult, in the same way you can halt the spiritual awakening. You can try, but it is not recommended.
I am still attempting to wrap my head around how real, how long, how brave and how transformative the processes of awakening are. Years ago, I recall coming across people online who would post videos about getting through their initiation, talking about days or months of their first dark night of the soul, describing episodes of being able to see beyond the physical, tapping into unnoticed before pools of energy, vitality and insight.
Back then, one might have thought that this was it, this single episode of soul tearing or to some, soul enhancing experience, which was nothing like you have ever experienced before, was meant to change everything about your life. You would have never imagined how vast, how detailed and how prolonged the letting go of pain would be.
The past twenty years, in my case at least, have been nothing but paying attention, studying, and analyzing every single process that has occurred within my being. I personally believe, that it was somehow forced upon me to be fully dedicated to understanding the ins and outs of spiritual awakening.
Now, that I have finally processed my share of suffering, and have overcome my weaknesses and shortcomings, I can compare my awakening to the most intensive boot camp there has ever been set on the surface of the planet Earth – this is perhaps what all individuals feel like when they get through the finish line.
Almost every day was dedicated to opening myself to feeling more, tearing up more walls I have built around pain, expanding the ability of detecting more and exhuming deeper emotions. If not mine, then somebody else’s. None my fears could be disregarded. They stood there patiently, waiting for me to face, process, or to understand them as to why they were there, were did they come from, what they were meant to teach me.
The years of healing were hard.
Once you get disconnected from a physical reality, (this should be explained in extraordinary details) what is visible inside you, feels so alive and at the same time devastatingly overwhelming, you are trying very hard to find your old way back home, go back to where you used to be, unawaken, but you cannot. Again, I was learning that this process without a shadow of a doubt cannot be stopped.
So those years were hard because what I have unnecessarily struggled with, was the desire to connect myself back in the same, old way as I used to be. I was trying to find ways to escape from my growth and humbly “live a quiet life”, which to me meant stopping the inner expedition and completely rejecting the spiritual processes that somehow took over and worked through me without any spiritual anesthesia.
As much as I wished to settle in life free of emotional awareness, I wasn’t allowed to. The inner job had to be completed in spite of me wanting to quit at times.